carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
