I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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