the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
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Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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