My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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