I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
