that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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