in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
