Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
