Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
