My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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