i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
