Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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