she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
