he wants to bone in the snuggie
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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