why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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