But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
