Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
