I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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