I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
