And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My feet surprised me
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
