I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
