Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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