Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
