Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
