Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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