It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
