i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
