So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
