i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
