Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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