Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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