i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
