i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Fuck appropriateness.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
