lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
