Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize