Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
