I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
