i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
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I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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