The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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