bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
