she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
