Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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