Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
