I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize