I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
