I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
