you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
