So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
