i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
