we're blogging at a bar
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
