He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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