She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
