I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
