He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
