There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
