1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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