i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
