Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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