I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
