Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
