I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
