I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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