I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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