were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
