I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
