You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
