I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
