Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
