Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
